All the ground rules
As much as we want to believe that everyone’s the same, it turns out that we are all pretty different, and that definitely has an impact on how a relationship works. While it’s true that things can go wrong with anyone you’re talking to, understanding how you communicate with people and how they communicate with you will help you figure out whether there’s a match before you spend any precious hours in a conversation.
Communication is a two-way street. It’s pretty simple: You’re not trying to get someone to love you. You’re trying to communicate your interest to someone. That way, if you’re looking for a relationship, it’s perfectly okay to be interested without feeling pressure. With that being said, read through this guide to figure out how to talk to someone you’re interested in.
How do you communicate?
Your feelings matter, and it’s okay to show them. If you’re meeting someone for the first time, one of the first things you’re going to notice is if she’s shy, talks too much, or seems like a total introvert. If she doesn’t seem comfortable with herself, it’s time to let her know. One of the simplest ways to let someone know that you’re interested in them is to be vocal. However, if she’s in a public place and you don’t want her to think you’re rude, wait until she’s not. Then, you can put a hand on her shoulder, lean towards her, and let her know. This is a gentle way to let her know that you’re interested in her and will let her know more if she’s interested. If she’s interested, it’s pretty safe to assume that she’ll be willing to meet you in a public place at a later date.
Also, you don’t have to spend a fortune or a large amount of time to communicate. A few pointers and a decent beer can go a long way. But, if you want to make the most of a situation, you have to be willing to give the other person something in return. Think about the time you’ve spent with your favorite people. They know when you’re extra clingy, or when you’re putting too much effort in, or when you’re lying to them. As far as a date goes, it should be the same. Your date knows when you’re legitimately interested in her and when you’re making it up as you go.
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Ready to get to know a man, or a woman? From how to answer the phone to going on a first date, here’s all you need to know.
Reality Bites
When I first got into the dating world, I had this rather impassioned view of what it meant to be single in 2013. And truth be told, I was pretty flippant and blunt about certain things, which sounds pretty amusing when I look back on it. I was dating in New York in the ’90s after all, so it was typical. I remember getting out of my car after a long day at the office and walking into the florist down the street. And if the guy I was dating wanted to go get a beer or a coffee, I totally would. It’s fun, meeting people.
But with the transition from singlehood into a full-fledged relationship, most people seem to be amazed by my lack of social joviality. I’ve been dating for three years, and it’s still a fascinating subject. But while I have learned a lot about the different rules and views of dating, it never ceases to be enlightening and somewhat weird. We talked to a handful of men and women about their first experiences with dating, and in some cases they still had so much to learn.
Emily: What’s your first phone call like?
Andrew: Well, it has to be different from “hey” or “hello,” or “what’s up?” It has to be a very good opening. Something like “hi, [name], this is [number], I can’t wait for you to meet me. I’m excited.” [Especially if you’re going on a first date. More on that later.]
I always give a little pause, and then start talking about a movie. I’m not trying to be too much, but you have to be honest and enthusiastic about something, whether it’s sports, or movies, or books, or something like that. It’s amazing what people do talk about during these phone calls. You can start that off with really even better (if you can pull it off) conversations.
Chris: The first phone call of the evening is always a bit awkward. It’s a little too personal. You don’t really know that person, and you’re just trying to get to know them. You don’t want to come off as too eager or desperate, and what if they reject you for it?
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